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Transcript of the 30 th session of the UN Security Council in Ukraine.
President: Any suggestions?
Churkin (Russian Federation): May I shit on the table?
Everybody: NO!!!
Churkin: (is shitting on the table in front of Klimkin (Ukraine)) Thank you!
Ukraine: You’ve seen it, haven’t you?! Russia has just shat on our table!
Churkin: You’ve got no evidence!
Ukraine: It was your ass and it was your excrement coming out!
Churkin: Present us some facts!
US Representative: our experts have analyzed the substance, modeled the coordinates and came to conclusions that there is no doubt it is excrement and Russia has shat it!
Churkin: Present us some evidence!
UK Representative: This is outrageous! No doubt this is Russia that shat it! We can’t stand it any longer!
Germany Representative: I suggest we should discuss possible expressions of our common solicitude towards Russia’s behavior.
Churkin: I’m putting a veto upon this decision! (is shitting on Ukraine’s table again)
Ukraine: You’ve seen it, haven’t you?! Again! Russia has shat on our table again! This is excrement, this is his ass, this is him putting on his trousers!
UN President: If these facts are proved we should react in appropriate way!
Churkin: I repeat, present us at least one prove!
Germany: We hoped that sanctions would help, but every time it stinks worse and worse! We suspect that Russia probably shits on Ukraine’s table.
Churkin: Present us some evidence!
UN President: Let’s take a decision that we are deeply shocked!
Churkin: I’m putting a veto upon this decision! (Is shitting on President’s table)
Ukraine: Have you seen it?! Just now Russia has shat on the UN President’s table!!! It is dangerous as it can shit on any European country’s table!
Churkin: You haven’t presented us any evidence that we could admit!
US Representative: Pentagon’s satellites noticed growing stink emerging from Russia. We should consider a possibility to deprive Russia of its rights to shit at UN meetings!
Churkin: I’m putting a veto upon this decision! (Is dumping a load on Ukraine’s table). You’ve got no evidence. On the contrary all the facts show that Ukraine has shat on itself!
Ukraine: Have you seen it? Russia has just shat on our table again!
Germany Representative: It’s getting harder to be here! We are calling the parties to begin a dialogue!
Churkin: Russia wants to use its right for an additional statement! (He’s taking a plastic folder and he’s starting to scatter excrement about all UN members). Russia is a great country and it won’t let anyone to suppress it! You have no right to dictate us your terms without presenting any fact! Look at yourselves! You’re all assholes! You’re sitting here up shit creek without a paddle. You stink! How can you tell us how to behave?! Thank you for your attention. (He is throwing his dirty folder into the President, spitting on the US representative’s boots and leaving).
UN President: I thank each and all of you for your position. The next meeting of solicitude towards Ukraine will take place when the hall is ventilated."
